4 Quick, Easy Ways to Say No to People Who Take You for Granted

No matter how wonderful you are sometimes other people will try to take advantage of your good nature. They will push you, get you to do more than your fair share and keep asking you to do even more.

And worst of all -- often your efforts will be taken for granted. Unless you can say No, the situation will not change in fact it may get even more difficult.

That is unless you can say No to these unreasonable people because very often to win respect from people you have to sometimes say No.

Here are 4 great ways to stand up for yourself and say No:

1. Soften the No

Instead of shouting No at the person and creating an uncomfortable encounter you can instead soften the No by postponing your help.

For example --

<ul>

<li>No, I am busy right now but I can help you in 40 minutes time

<li>No, I have other things to do at the moment

<li>Right now I do not have a free moment maybe later on

<li>I would love to help but not at this minute, try John

</ul>

What you are doing is softening the No by saying not now rather than an outright No. This is a lot easier to do especially when dealing with people who intimidate you.

2. Negotiate

To deal with people who want your help but are slow to help you -- negotiate! When they want something from you, you have the power - use it!

Say you are happy to help on one condition -- that they help you immediately when you seek their help. They will usually agree because they have to! If they say No, again as above, postpone helping them if you can.

There are some people who view the world in terms of what is in it for them and the concerns of others are of secondary importance. With these people you are wasting your time talking about your needs.

For that reason you have to link your needs to their gains by negotiating - tell them they will get what they want IF you get what you want.

3. Say No When You Do Not Care About the Outcome

When you are flexing this new found ability to say No for the first time use every opportunity to get some practice e.g.

<ul>

<li>In a restaurant, say no to the first table you are offered

<li>at home say No to coffee when everyone else says Yes, have tea

<li>In a store say yes to an offer of help but No to the product

</ul>

What I mean is to say No when you are dealing with people whose approval is not that important to you. You will quickly learn through experience that it is not the end of the world if you say no and the other person is not pleased with you.

4. Say No to the Big Request and Yes to a Smaller One

Sometimes you are going to be asked to do more than your fair share. If you cannot avoid the job you may need to consider doing part of it.

A good way to handle these requests is to offer to do part of the job but not all of it. For example:

<ul>

<li>I will clean 2 rooms if you do the other 3 rooms

<li>I can do 5 pages of the report as long as you give me the data

<li>If you start the project I will finish it

</ul>

By standing up for yourself on small points you will gradually assert yourself more often on the big issues. The main thing is to get started today on winning back control of your interactions with anyone who pushes you too far.

About The Author

Peter Murphy is a peak performance expert. He recently produced a very popular free report: 10 Simple Steps to Developing Communication Confidence. Apply now because it is available for a limited time only at: <a href="http://www.howtotalkwithconfidence.com/report.htm" target="_new">http://www.howtotalkwithconfidence.com/report.htm

If What You Are Doing Is Not Working Change Your Approach

And ironically the more we worry about it, the more tense we get and the more likely we are to say something stupid.

Let us a take a look at some remedies:

1 Learn to relax when you feel under pressure.

I often talk about the importance of managing your emotions

This is an essential skill.

There are a wide range of courses and books that you can refer to if you want to learn more about relaxation.

When you feel relaxed it is easier to think on your feet and to be flexible when you need to be.

2 Prepare Yourself

Before a social gathering get ready to have something to talk about.

With the internet on your PC there is no excuse for not becoming well informed about the world. The more knowledge you have the more conversations you can contribute to.

Make a point though of reading up on a variety of subjects otherwise your conversation topics will be limited to what interests you the most. And those topics may not interest your friends as much.

3 Become genuinely interested in other people

One of the big secrets to conversation power is to shut up! We are all a lot more interested in ourselves than in anyone else.

When there is a long silence encourage the other person to talk by asking questions and taking an active interest in the answers.

Take charge of the situation if you want the conversation to continue.

4 Stupid Statements Are Allowed!

If you say something stupid it is not the end of the world. If you try to hide your error then the situation can become chaotic very quickly.

It is far better to just admit that you made a mistake. Also, accept that even smart people say stupid things some times.

As long as you accept that you will make mistakes you have nothing to worry about. Expecting yourself to be perfect is unfair and just sets you up for failure.

All you need to do now is to decide how you will deal with these mistakes when they do happen.

5 Enjoy The Silence!

When there is a long silence in a conversation what normally passes through your mind? Do you judge it as bad? Do you feel under pressure to speak?

The other person has created the silence with you. Why not wait for him to speak first? Take the responsibility off your shoulders. It takes at least two people to have a conversation.

Finally, the reason silence can be uncomfortable is because you become self conscious. You become very aware of your own thoughts and feelings

There is one great way to deal with this. Put your attention on something outside of yourself by paying great attention to the other person and whatever is going on around you in the room.

Become fascinated by what you see and hear and you will forget about your own concerns.

Peter Murphy is a peak performance expert. He recently produced a very popular free report: 10 Simple Steps to Developing Communication Confidence. Apply now because it is available for a limited time only at: <a target="_new" href="http://www.howtotalkwithconfidence.com/report.htm">http://www.howtotalkwithconfidence.com/report.htm</a>

Theres Gold in that Silence

Can you recall a time where you utilized silence to make a point? If you can consciously recall, you probably know your silence made more than just a point; it made an exclamation point ... and without a single word preceding it. Now that's powerful.

Silence is a widely-known, but rarely used, powerful communication tool. Why is that? Because it can be used to shed light or convey darkness. Utilizing the sound of silence is truly the "master's" art of communication. It quaintly epitomizes a spiritually and socially acceptable passive assertiveness. The ability to remain quiet confirms that one is in total control. It also confirms that the individual is disciplined and will not be lead into conversations that are counterproductive and energy-draining. Silence can help us listen, keep a secret, serve in love and receive the very core of what is being said. Silence can say "I really do care."

Have you ever had a conversation where all you were waiting for was for the speaker to pause, just so you could say, what you needed to say? You know, where you start planning to respond to that which hadn't even been said yet? We all have. When this happens, we don't absorb the full content of the conversation. Many variables influence our desire to lose focus on what our speaker is saying. For example: your schedule, what you may be watching on TV, your mental, emotional, and physical states and of the like. Listen so that both your brain and heart are passionately aligned to receive the speaker's words. Strive to increase your understanding and place it before your desire to be understood.

Learn to be comfortable with silence and master the self-control it requires. Only then will you be able to experience the "golden" within.

Fran Briggs is the founder of The Fran Briggs Companies and is "a motivational speaker of the inspirational kind." She is the author of severalarticles, manuals and books including her latest, "Seeds for Success." This prominent voice of motivation speaks to audiences of children and adults of all ages and backgrounds with the aim of inspiring them to their respective levels of greatness. Sign up for your free successzine newsletter when you visit <a target="_new" href="http://www.franbriggs.com">http://www.franbriggs.com</a>

3 Keys to Making Small Talk Easy to Do

Small talk used to be really hard work for me. I never knew what to say and I always worried about saying the wrong thing.

Then something awful happened to me....

I had to take a job dealing with the public. My worst fears came true and I had to make small talk with a whole range of people each and every day.

I found it difficult, tedious and nerve wracking.

Eventually after a lot of trial and error I got the hang of it. And today I find it easy to do and even enjoyable.

You can do the same when you learn a few key distinctions:

1. Understand that the purpose of small talk is not to exchange information.

It is a game you play to find things you have in common with the other person.

Decide to be intensely curious about the other person and go fishing for what you have in common. When you are genuinely interested in other people they will respond positively to your questions and to the way you listen to what they have to say.

When you take the pressure off yourself to be a great conversationalist and become a detective searching for commonality the conversation tends to take care of itself.

Why?

Because people like people that are like them.

The more commonality you discover, the more the other person will like you and feel as if they have known you for some time.

This in turn causes the conversation to flow.

2. Give first to encourage sharing.

If all you do is ask questions the other person will feel as if they are being interrogated.

That is not the idea!

Be prepared to reveal something about yourself first without getting too personal.

By sharing first you are leading the way and cause the other person to feel obligated to return the favor.

Sharing and receiving in this way allows you to take charge of any conversation and to easily lead it where you want to go.

3. Aim to control the conversation.

If you can lead a conversation you can control it. You now know how to lead any conversation - give first and watch the other person respond.

Most people will follow your lead right away. If the person does not just move on to someone else.

Never shoot for 100% with people as its not a realistic goal. Life does not work like that.

And remember...

The key to success with these distinctions is to use them, play with them and then adjust them to suit you.

For the sake of 10-15 minutes a day, every day, you can progressively get better and better at making conversation.

Its not rocket science. Its just a matter of strategy - knowing it and using it.

About The Author

Peter Murphy is a peak performance expert. He recently produced a very popular free report: 10 Simple Steps to Developing Communication Confidence. Apply now because it is available for a limited time only at: <a href="http://www.howtotalkwithconfidence.com/report.htm" target="_new">http://www.howtotalkwithconfidence.com/report.htm</a>

Become More Self-Confident

Signs of Self-Confidence

Let's explore the meaning of self-confidence by taking a quiz. Read the list of statements below and check which ones, in your opinion, are signs of self-confidence.

1. Admitting when you are wrong.

2. Being flexible when change is needed.

3. Talking about your accomplishments.

4. Describing negative events in positive terms. For example, &quot;We didn't make our target, but we sure learned a lot.&quot;

5. Dressing to please yourself without worrying what others will think.

6. Using a strong handshake.

7. Using casual language in an effort to avoid sounding too &quot;corporate.&quot; For example, &quot;You guys did a cool thing.&quot;

8. Speaking very fast.

9. Smiling often.

10. Learning new skills.

11. Putting yourself down in order to sound humble.

Compare your answers to those on the bottom of page three under &quot;Quiz #1.&quot;

Low Self-Confidence

Part of defining self-confidence is thinking about what low self-confidence is, what it looks and sounds like. Test yourself now. Circle the statements that convey a lack of self-confidence.

1. &quot;I may be wrong, but I think the answer is ten.&quot;

2. &quot;Thank you for the compliment. We're very proud of our work.&quot;

3. &quot;That was really stupid of me.&quot;

4. &quot;I forgot my business cards. I left them in the car.&quot;

5. (Responding to a compliment) &quot;Oh, I've had this dress for ten years.&quot;

6. &quot;I would have gotten into the program, but they don't like to take people with my background.&quot;

7. &quot;That sounds like a challenge. I'm sure we can figure out how to solve it, though.&quot;

8. &quot;I'm sorry to interrupt, but I wonder if I could have a minute of your time.&quot;

Compare your answers to those listed at the bottom of page three under &quot;Quiz #2.&quot;

Where Does Self-Confidence Come From?

Self-confidence is not something people are born with. It results from a combination of factors:

1. Learned skill: Self-confidence is a combination of skills, not just a single quality. People are not born with it or without it. It can be learned.

2. Practice: Self-confidence comes from practice. It may appear to be spontaneous, but it isn't.

3. Internal locus of control: Self-confidence results from what psychologists call an internal locus (central point) of control. This means that people who are self-directing, who accept responsibility for their own results, have greater self-confidence.

8 Self-Confidence Builders

There are many concrete, specific things you can do to feel more confident in challenging life situations. Make note of those that will help you develop your own sense of self-confidence.

1. Follow your strengths. Self-confidence comes from being the best &quot;you&quot; possible. It doesn't come from trying to be someone else. It is the result of following paths like these:

? Do what comes naturally.

? Develop your talents.

? Follow your convictions.

? Express your own style.

2. Plan ahead. Many people are surprised to hear that self-confidence comes from something as ordinary as planning. But think about it; let's say you are going on a job interview, almost always an anxiety-producing experience. When you are prepared, you feel more confident.

3. Take action. Confidence comes from taking action. Break your challenge down into small steps and take that first step, no matter how small it seems.

4. Study. The more you know about your subject, the more confident you will feel. In fact, the lack of self-confidence almost always stems from a lack of information. We've all had that sick feeling that we don't fully understand what we are talking about.

5. Act the part. The following tips will help you begin to present yourself in a positive way.

? Find a role model. Look for someone who is already successful in your field. Observe him or her and identify for yourself what behaviors convey self-confidence.

? Look and act powerful. Watch people who create a powerful impression. It could be a TV anchor, a character in a movie, or a coworker. Imagine yourself behaving in a similar way. For an example, watch the movie Top Hat. Fred Astaire exudes confidence.

? Be aware of nonverbal behavior that detracts from presenting yourself with confidence. Ask for feedback from a trusted friend or watch yourself on videotape.

6. Rehearse for success. One of the most important ways to boost your self-confidence is by rehearsing important conversations and presentations. You can never be too prepared. These ideas will help you practice so that you really understand your subject:

? Manage your anxiety. Feeling anxious is normal when you are in a challenging situation. The key is learning to manage anxiety so it doesn't paralyze you or diminish your effectiveness.

? Get organized. When your materials are prepared and well-organized, you will feel better about your ability to access them. Having information scattered in too many places makes you feel out of control and undermines your self-confidence.

7. Persist. Self-confidence is the result of a lot of hard work. The process takes time. It has been said that success is 99% persistence and 1% talent.

8. Enjoy your success. When you reach your goal, don't forget to give yourself credit for working hard. Be proud of what you've accomplished. Here are some ways you can do this:

? Look in the mirror and say to yourself, &quot;Good work. I'm proud of you.&quot;

? Think of a way to reward yourself.

? Tell others about your success.

? Write yourself a letter or explore your accomplishment in your journal.

? Draw a picture expressing your achievement.

Answers to Quiz #1

Items 1, 2, 3, 4, 6, 9, and 10 are generally signs of self-confidence. The others could be seen as self-sabotaging behaviors.

Answers to Quiz #2

Items 1, 3, 4, 5, 6, and 8 communicate low self-confidence. (Of course, there are no 100% right answers, since many of the statements depend on context, tone of voice, cultural interpretation, and other factors.)

Garrett Coan is a professional therapist,coach and psychotherapist. His two Northern New Jersey office locations are accessible to individuals who reside in Bergen County, Essex County, Passaic County, Rockland County, and Manhattan. Garrett also offers online and telephone coaching and counseling services for those who live at a distance. He can be accessed through <a target="_new" href="http://www.creativecounselors.com">http://www.creativecounselors.com</a> or at 201-303-4303.

Mentors and Coaches: How to Find a Great Mentor

A career coach or mentor is a person who can guide you with the benefit of their experience. He or she may be someone more senior from within your organisation or someone external to your organisation who has been successful in the field or skills you want to develop. The right mentor can help you accelerate career, boost your self-development and improve your working relationships. And remember that a mentor is not only helpful in your career the benefits of having a mentor are relevant to all areas of your life ? whether fitness, financial or lifestyle.

Decide what area you want help with . Examine your life and determine whether you want help with your career, your health or your relationships. When you know the area or areas you want to focus on you can begin searching for a suitable mentor.

Who are the top performers? . Whichever area of your life you decide to seek a mentor for, find out who the experts are, who does it better than anyone else?

Where's the hang out? Next, find out where your role models hang out ? check out networking events and groups, industry events and conferences ? make note of anyone who stands out and has the 'presence' you are looking for.

Look into programs . Many organisations now have internal mentoring programs that you can become a part of. If you work for yourself you can investigate Government programs that offer mentoring programs.

Select your mentor . When you identify the person you believe would be a suitable mentor, spend some time watching them in action. Ask around to find out what other people's opinion of your chosen mentor are and find out all you can about their achievements, beliefs, values and way of operating. This will give you insight into them before you approach them about mentoring you.

Approach your mentor . Phone your prospective mentor and ask to make an appointment to see them. Tell him or her why you want to meet and schedule a time. It is important that your interactions a re professional and show respect for your prospective mentors' time. This demonstrate that you are committed to doing the right thing.

Have an agenda . When you do meet, have an outline of what you would like to discuss. Your agenda should include why you want them to mentor you, for how long and what you hope to gain during that time. If they do agree to mentor you, you can then work out how you can support them too ? this should be a two-way process.

Make an agreement . If you both decide to proceed, set up an agreement with guidelines about how your relationship will work and what you both expect from each other.

Neen is a Global Productivity Expert : by looking at how they spend their time and energy ? and where they focus their attention ? Neen helps people to rocket-charge their productivity and performance. A dynamic speaker, author and corporate trainer, Neen demonstrates how boosting your productivity can help you achieve amazing things. With her unique voice, sense of fun and uncommon common-sense, Neen delivers a powerful lesson in productivity. Find out more at <a target="_new" href="http://neenjames.com/">http://neenjames.com/</a>

Permission To Have FUN

? Have you been working long hours?
? Have you been managing 10 (or more) tasks at once?
? Are you combining several different personal and professional roles?

99% of my clients are experts at managing lifestyles similar to those above and this issue is dedicated to all of you.

Your reward for managing your lives so well is permission to have some FUN.

Did you know that children laugh an average 400 times each day but by 35 years old this has reduced to only 15 times per day. When you are having FUN your body is calm and stress-free, you experience an increase in oxygen, endorphins and blood flow to the brain. In this HAPPY state you are able to think more clearly and productively, you remain alert and are keen to experience more of the same. Having FUN induces a state of pure energy and reflects the real joy of living, and being in the moment. Stress melts away and our physical ailments bother us less What have you done that is fun today?

Having fun is contagious. If you are having fun, people want to join in - you become interesting and attractive. If you enjoy your job and have fun at work it is reflected in everything that you do. Your presentations become more dynamic and people are more likely to take notice of what you say. Often creativity improves and projects can seem easier to manage and complete.

Setting new goals and challenges can be a FUN activity. Blue-sky thinking can be exhilarating as there are no limitations to how incredible we would like our lives to be. Imagine if money, time, location was not a problem ? how different could you life be. Imagine if the word &quot;can't&quot; really did not exist ? what would you be doing differently?

One of my personal values is to incorporate FUN into my life wherever possible. However, before coaching, one of my limiting beliefs was that I need to have permission to have FUN, that it had to be earned or set aside for another day ? once I had completed my mundane tasks. After coaching, I realised that by injecting FUN into those same tasks then they took on a new personality ? they started to be enjoyable. The changes do not have to be earth shattering, it can be as simple as hovering to your favourite song; listening to an audio book while filing, or composing a poem while jogging.

When the activity incorporates FUN, it stops being routine and mundane; instead it becomes something to look forward to. Onerous tasks that require concentrated effort without interruption can come with a FUN reward on completion ? just make sure that the reward is tantalising enough to keep you going at even the darkest point in the project. This can work equally well for a tem as an individual and can be a great motivator ? especially if the team decides the reward themselves.

Suggestion for this week:
What can you do to make your life more fun?

Rachel Saint
A troubleshooter for your life
Telephone: 44 (0) 1843 841582
<a target="_new" href="http://www.worklifebalanceenterprise.co.uk">http://www.worklifebalanceenterprise.co.uk</a>
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Sign up for my newsletter at <a href="mailto:rhscoaching@yahoo.co.uk">rhscoaching@yahoo.co.uk</a>

A Visualization Exercise on Managing Expectations for Adults with ADD

As adults with Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD), we often find ourselves excited by new ideas and plans, but overwhelmed by what it will take to reach the goals.

Many of my coaching clients find themselves in this situation. They make a decision to make a change - a big change. Sometimes it's about moving up in the world, like finding a new and better home. Sometimes the change is about pursing a dream, like taking a passion for art and turning it into a career. And sometimes the change involves a mental shift to become a better person, like learning to overcome anger.

No matter what big and exciting change is on the horizon, we can sometimes find that our impulsivity has us not only wanting - but expecting - the change to happen much quicker than is actually possibly. We have unrealistic expectations of what we are able to accomplish when. When this happens, disappointment, lack of motivation, and even feelings of failure, are quite common.

When one of my clients finds them self in a situation like this, I take them through a visualization exercise that I call "The Temple." The following directions will allow you to use this exercise in your own life.

The Temple: A Visualization Exercise

Step 1: Pick the Goal

Pick a goal that you are excited about - a change you really want to make.

Step 2: Relax

Sit back, relax, and close your eyes. Focus on your breath going in and out, and allow worries and concerns to be breathed away...just for a little bit.

Step 3: Visualize a Temple

Create - in your mind - the vision of a beautiful, peaceful temple. It is your temple, and it can be anywhere. It can look any way you like. Get a very vivid image of this temple in your mind.

The temple is your goal. When you reach your goal, you will reach your temple.

Connect with your goal. What will it feel like when you reach that goal? Think of the emotions you will experience. Think about what it will feel like to be in that temple.

Step 4: Visualize Your Steps

Now imagine that your temple is being raised into the sky. As your temple rises, stairs appear. The stairs to your temple are steps to your goal.

Ask yourself, what are the steps that I need to climb in order to reach my goal? What has to happen in order for me to reach that goal?

Are there any steps on the way to your goal that you have already achieved? If so, visualize yourself climbing the stairs to your temple.

Step 5: Check-in With Yourself

Do this exercise on a regular basis. Each time you take a step towards your goal, visualize yourself climbing a stair to your temple.

Understand that some steps will be easy to climb, and some will be a little harder and will take more time. Even though it may seem like you've been working a long time and not getting anywhere on your goal, don't lose sight of the fact that if you are climbing the stairs, then you are making progress.

When you get impatient and frustrated about your progress, remember that life in itself is a journey. Growth and personal progress don't happen in the temple, they happen on the way to the temple.

Jennifer Koretsky is a Professional ADD Management Coach who helps adults manage their ADD and move forward in life. She encourages clients to increase self-awareness, focus on strengths and talents, and create realistic action plans. She offers a 90-day intensive skill-building program, workshops, and private coaching. Her work has been featured in numerous media, including The New York Times Magazine and The Times (UK). To subscribe to Jennifer's free email newsletter, The ADD Management Guide, please visit <a target="_new" href="http://www.addmanagement.com/e-newsletter.htm">http://www.addmanagement.com/e-newsletter.htm</a>

COACHING: When it?s Beyond Oprah and Dr. Phil

How many more servings of the daytime self-help salad will it take to sooth your appetite? To actually get your life to where you want it to be? To actually start seeing changes for yourself rather than just on the tear-filled faces of Oprah's latest guests?

How about the alternatives? If you stick with TV then you will likely wind up in frightening dead ends with the likes of Jerry, Ricky and Montel. So, you read a few more Chicken Soup books, listen to another Anthony Robbins seminar and double up on the appointments with your shrink. Still nothing?

Consider coaching. Within the past decade, life (or personal) coaching has become the self-help book put into action. Once reserved for executives facing tough decisions in elite corners of corporate America, coaching has now become a catalyst for success in life, career and relationships for mainstream America. Think of coaching as having your own Dr. Phil on call; someone there not to diagnose emotional problems or feel your pain, but to help you set better goals, take more action, make better decisions and use your natural strengths more fully.

Coaching has been touted as a cutting edge resource for life success by every form of national media. Health Magazine recently called coaching, &quot;The path to success.&quot; The Washington Post recently headlined, &quot;many who want a winning record in the game of life are hiring a Life coach.&quot; The profession is even showcased in a new reality TV show called Starting Over, although many coaches see this as painting the profession as merely the latest self-help fad.

Here's how it works. Life coaches are retained on a monthly basis with fees ranging from $150-$400, on average. This generally includes three or four coaching sessions that last anywhere from half an hour to a full hour. Most coaches also provide additional support and communication between sessions via e-mail, instant messaging or brief &quot;check in&quot; phone calls. It is also common practice for coaches to provide a free introductory session for potential clients to get a sampling of what being coached is like and to see if they &quot;click&quot; with their potential coach. Those hiring coaches run the gamut. Coaching clients are parents, teachers, business professionals, &quot;Midlifers&quot;, students and business owners. They are basically, anyone ready for life change through the support, guidance, challenge and clarity that coaching provides. When moving forward rather than digging deeper begins to sound like the right recipe, then coaching might be your next best step. Don't forget, Jerry, Ricky and Montel will always be there to remind you of the alternatives!

About The Author

Robert A. Eubanks, Ph.D. is a personal coach whose mission is to help others balance their lives, achieve personal goals and begin living their passions. For a complimentary coaching session or more information about coaching, go to <a href="http://www.bridgetosolutions.com" target="_new">www.bridgetosolutions.com</a> or call 561-385-9184.

<a href="mailto:bridgetosolutions@yahoo.com">bridgetosolutions@yahoo.com</a>

Listening Skills In Relationships

Recently, when out to dinner with another couple, my husband is surprised at what someone says about one of our neighbors. He even comments this to the person about his amazement. Less than one week later, my husband comments to me he wonders about this very situation. After asking him, &quot;Well don't you remember Sean told you that?&quot; &quot;No. I must have been in a conversation with someone else then.&quot; I just torque my jaws and change the subject because I just don't want to have this conversation about listening again.

Whether it's with you or friends, it's annoying and rude when your husband communicates he's not listening. &quot;I don't really care,&quot; is the message. Listening is different as hearing. We're born with the ears to hear. But listening takes energy, time and practice. There are actions to demonstrate your ability to listen, show you care and reduce stress in the process.

First, give your full attention to your spouse. When my husband was speaking with Sean, he was also carrying on a conversation with someone else. There humanly is no way that you can give your full attention when you are dividing it between two people!

Ask clarifying questions before you do your talking. If you want to understand your wife's concerns, respond to a problem or add to the conversation, ask a question ('So what you are saying is ... .') Then keep quiet while you listen to their reply. Then you are sure to be on track. Listen first to understand, then to respond.

And anticipate keywords. With experience you learn how some comments are familiar. How you have discussed this previously? When you hear keywords about these everyday situations or previous discussions, use them to help you add to the conversation when the time comes. This is sometimes called leveraging your knowledge.

Listen for feelings first and specifics second. Check your understanding of your wife's emotions from her point of view (&quot;It must be frustrating to not get what you think you were getting.&quot;) If that perception check is correct (&quot;Yes I am just fit to be tied,&quot;) continue with specific facts of the conversation. This type of verbal feedback, particularly on the telephone, can clarify a concern without you saying something there is no need to say.

Identify what bad listening habits you have and begin to minimize and improve them. The top five worst listening habits most of us have are: reacting emotionally, listening only for the facts, getting distracted, faking attention and being critical of the speaker's delivery. Found yours? Know it and do something to improve it. Let's say you find yourself getting distracted by listening in a second conversation when you are out with your wife and a group of friends. You can wear a rubber band around your wrist for 30 days. And every time that undesirable habit pops into your conversation with you wife, or anyone for that matter, snap that rubber band back. Day after day you'll be snapping less because you will be replacing your bad habit with something that is effective.

A famous philosopher once said, "We only hear half of what is said to us, understand only half of that, and remember only half of that." You can reduce misunderstandings and show your spouse you do care when you move beyond hearing to listening.

Copyright? Patricia Weber, <a target="_new" href="http://www.prostrategies.com">http://www.prostrategies.com.</a>

Pat Weber is a coach, certified telelcass leader, and corporate trainer. With her incisive, effective communication skills, her services can help you to accelerate professional and personal results you want, by helping you increase your choices and build your self-confidence. With personal coaching, a teleclass, an online email course or on-site workshop, get what you want, more easily and more often. Visit her website at <a target="_new" href="http://www.prostrategies.com">http://www.prostrategies.com.</a>

Solution-Focused Therapy

Most types of psychotherapy involve exploring feelings, being validated, finding explanations, exploring wishes and dreams, setting goals, and gaining clarity. Every therapist has unique ways of working with clients, based on his or her personality, training, and views of how people change. A solution-focused therapist is likely to do the following:

1. Instead of going over past events and focusing on problems, the therapist helps you envision your future without today's problems.

2. During the course of therapy (often as few as 3 to 6 sessions), the therapist helps you discover solutions.

3. The therapist encourages you to identify and do more of what is already working.

4. The therapist guides you to identify what doesn't work and to focus on doing less of it.

5. The emphasis is on the future, not the past.

6. SFBT therapists believe that the client is the best expert about what it takes to change his or her life.

7. The therapist's role is to help you identify solutions that will remove the barriers to having the life you want. Solution-Focused Brief Therapy (SFBT) is a process that helps people change by constructing solutions rather than dwelling on problems. This type of therapy tends to be shorter-term than traditional psychotherapy. Steve de Shazer and Insoo Kim Berg of the Brief Family Therapy Center in Milwaukee are the originators of this form of therapy.

The SFBT therapist helps the client identify elements of the desired solution, which are usually already present in the client's life. The client learns to build on these elements, which form the basis for ongoing change. Rather than searching for the causes of the problem, the focus is on defining the changes and making them a reality. The two key therapeutic issues are: (1) how the client wants his or her life to be different, and (2) what it will take to make it happen. Creating a detailed picture of what it will be like when life is better creates a feeling of hope, and this makes the solution seem possible. The therapist helps the client focus on the future and how it will be better when things change. It is important to develop a set of specific, detailed goals. These goals drive the therapy process and keep it focused and efficient.

Why SFBT Is Usually Short-Term

SFBT therapists don't set out to artificially limit the number of sessions. A good brief therapist will not focus on limiting sessions or time, but rather on helping clients set goals and develop strategies to reach those goals. Focusing on the client's goals and the concrete steps needed to achieve them usually takes less time than traditional therapy, in which the client typically spends many sessions talking about the past and explores reasons and feelings. SFBT therapists aim to provide clients with the most effective treatment in the most efficient way possible so that clients can achieve their goals and get on with their lives. As a result of this focus, the counseling process often requires as few as six sessions.

Types of Problems That SFBT Addresses

Solution-Focused Brief Therapy is an effective way of helping people solve many kinds of problems, including depression, substance abuse, eating disorders, relationship problems, and many other kinds of issues. Since it focuses on the process of change rather than on dissecting the problem, more serious issues do not necessarily require different treatment. The SFBT therapist's job is to help clients transform troubling issues into specific goals and an action plan for achieving them. In The Miracle Method, authors Scott D. Miller and Insoo Kim Berg describe how to create solutions with these steps:

1. State your desire for something in your life to be different.

2. Envision that a miracle happens and your life is different.

3. Make sure the miracle is important to you.

4. Keep the miracle small.

5. Define the change with language that is positive, specific, concrete, and behavioral.

6. State how you will start your journey rather than how you will end it.

7. Be clear about who, where, and when, but not why.

Signs That You Should Consider Seeing a Therapist

There are several ways to know when you would be doing yourself a favor by finding a licensed, professional therapist to work with.

1. You've tried several things on your own, but you still have the problem.

2. You want to find a solution sooner rather than later.

3. You have thoughts of harming yourself or others.

4. You have symptoms of depression, anxiety, or another disorder that significantly interfere with your daily functioning and the quality of your life. For example, you have lost time from work, your relationships have been harmed, or your health is suffering. These are signs that you need the help of a trained, licensed professional.

Garrett Coan is a professional therapist,coach and psychotherapist. His two Northern New Jersey office locations are accessible to individuals who reside in Bergen County, Essex County, Passaic County, Rockland County, and Manhattan. Garrett also offers online and telephone coaching and counseling services for those who live at a distance. He can be accessed through <a target="_new" href="http://www.creativecounselors.com">http://www.creativecounselors.com</a> or at 201-303-4303.

That Little Bit Of Extra

The "little bit extra" is a very powerful concept to put into practice today in every aspect of your life. The difference between being ordinary and being extraordinary is that little bit EXTRA. The little bit extra is what separates average performers from CHAMPIONS!

In a sales process, the little bit extra is that one extra follow-up call, that extra sincere thank-you or the extra little bit of energy that you put into the presentation of your business. This will separate you from your competition. You can either go through the motions of your business or you can give that little bit extra in order to cement yourself in the mind of your potential customer. We all can relate to purchasing a product/service from someone who just gave you a little bit extra attention than their competitor did and THAT is the reason we bought from THEM!

When I personally coach someone, one of my key strategies is to move them to become champions in their field. One of the easiest ways is to show them the value of what a little extra eye contact with their prospects or customers brings. You need to look your prospect or customer directly in their eyes when you are presenting your business! This drives into them your confidence and conviction about what you and your product/service have to offer them. When I coach people, I tell them that the eye contact strategy alone will take them two steps ahead of their competition.

Remember, people will feed off your confidence from the look in your eyes. As you progress in your journey towards fulfilling your WHY, you need to constantly give that little extra! The true sign of a champion-to-be is just when it seems impossible for him/her to give that extra push; they dig deep down and give that little bit extra to fulfill their WHY! When I speak to groups, I train them to have the mindset of always giving a little bit more than their competitor. Over the long run, it will pay off big! A small improvement over a long period of time will produce outstanding results.

Now that you know the benefit of giving that little bit of extra effort, you need to ask yourself a question...&quot;What can I do today and every day with a little more effort to move me to the champion level in my field?&quot; You need to realize someone will be the champion in your chosen endeavor. Let me ask you a question, "Why not you?"

See you at the top!

Find your WHY and Fly!

As a young child, John Di Lemme was clinically diagnosed as a stutterer and told that he would never speak fluently. Today, John has achieved great success as an international motivational speaker, accomplished author and multi-million dollar entrepreneur. John shocks millions globally by exposing the truth about how to achieve monumental life success despite the labels that society has placed on you. Through his award winning live seminars, power-packed training programs, live tele-classes, and weekly ezine, John Di Lemme has made success a reality for thousands worldwide. visit <a target="_new" href="http://www.FindYourWhy.com">http://www.FindYourWhy.com</a> and discover how you can finally create monumental success in your life today and achieve all your goals, dreams and desires.

God, Grant Me Patience.....And, I Want It Now!!

Are you facing a difficult time in your life? Do you feel like a fish out of water? If today was a fish, would you want to throw it back in the river? If this is your situation, make no negative destructive decisions. Be Patient. Know that time can perform many miracles.

Quicker Than A New York Minute!

Yeah, I wish. But, unfortunately every time I have moved that fast it went from riches to rags. Truly, patience is one of the major ingredients that lead to consistent success. You must develop patience if you are ever going to be successful in dealing with life's problems.

Patience is not a popular subject for our, "I want it now" microwave society. Patience conjures up all kinds of thoughts like, "I might not get it"; "It might take too long"; "I might forget it", even worse. Ah, but patience is a major factor in making our dreams come true.

As I have given patience a lot of thought in my own life, here is what I have discovered. See if this pattern seems familiar to you.

<ul>

<li>Sometimes I get what I want right away.

<li>Sometimes I get what I want days, weeks, months, and sometime years later.

<li>Sometimes I don't get what I want but what I really needed, much later.

<li>Sometimes I don't get what I wanted, or what I needed, but got what was best for me, much later.

</ul>

Rome Wasn't Built In A Day!

Well, every time I get what I want right away, I'm just a little taken back by it. I always seem to "expect" to wait for some period of time. It just seems to be the way the universe deals with us. When something comes right away, we forget that triumph very fast and are on to the next deal.

The absolute optimum way to live would to be able to control the timing of every thing that happens to us. But, we can't. On the other side of the coin, if every thing were to just fall on us like ripe apples off a tree, we would be running all over town trying to avoid being knocked out by all the falling apples.

You've heard it said before, "God's delays are not God's denials". I believe that's true. Patience has character building power within it. Patience takes the impossibilities of life and turns them into realities. Patience can also make you feel like taking a long walk off a short pier sometimes.

Waiting Always Lasts Too Long!

That's the part of patience I want to help give you a different perspective on. Patience was designed to help us grow; to help us develop compassion and empathy, and make us strong. Not, to tear us down, to destroy our dreams, or make us wonder if our goals and objectives will ever be realized.

If you look at patience like this it might help: It was not meant to make life hard on you. Of course life is hard, that's why they pay you the big bucks. :>) Patience is part of our lives because God's timing is always better than ours. Now think about it. If you had your way, how many times would you choose to wait for something you really wanted or needed?

Your timing would always be, "I want it now"! And, if it was something that's not desirable, your timing would be to wait, and wait, and wait. So, the universe comes on the scene and says, "Wait, you're moving too fast". And we say, "No I'm not, you are moving too slowly".

The Waiting Is The Hardest Part!

And since the universe always has the final word, we find ourselves, waiting! And, because timing is so crucial to every thing in the universe, we tend to have a hard time understanding what good it is doing us, "waiting".

Here is why waiting bothers us; because we don't know exactly what's on the other end. It might turn out to be something better than sliced bread, or, I might find myself between the devil and the deep blue sea.

The first thing we do is, think of all kind of possibilities that would help us, improve our lifestyle, bring us happiness, reduce aggravation, if only this project would give in to my commands.

As soon as all those wonderful possibilities run their course through our thinking, then all the undesirable outcomes take their turn and start playing the "what if" game with us.

"What if you don't get that pay raise"? "What if you don't get that promotion"? "Be careful, or you'll poke your eye out"; and, all kinds of junky thoughts.

Now, being careful, in your ways, is fine and good. But, understand something; those thoughts are not coming to you to help you become a safe responsible person. Yes, you should. But, those thoughts have a different agenda. And, that is to inject fear into you to cheat you out of your dream.

I promise you this; the very moment you recognize the real intent of those thoughts, you will not shirk your responsibilities and become a reckless person, you will feel the inner power you've been searching for to accomplish that goal, and you will do so in a very responsible manner.

As Luck Would Have It!

I personally believe that if patience was not part of the God's way of helping us grow, we would just let the chips fall where they may.

Since we would not have to wait or resist, why bother caring what happens? It's the struggle, the fight that makes this thing personal to us. Something is trying to beat us, and we take that personally. When unemployment is trying to take your possessions, your dignity, and your self-esteem, you will take it personally!

Life Never Leaves Us With No Way Out!

Patience was not intended to be a destructive force. The lack of patience has caused much damage. Without patience there is a higher and better good that would not be possible in your life. And, that is the power of faith and hope.

Without patience you would have no hope. Everything you wanted would just fall on you. Without patience you would have no faith. All your dreams would materialize instantly. Now, don't get excited, that would really not be good for any of us. Not in this world anyway.

Richard Vegas ?

About The Author

Richard Vegas is a popular recording artist and internet marketing professional. He invites you to subscribe to his FREE weekly ezine "Wing-Tips" Teaching The Success System That Never Fails, at: <a href="http://www.1-work-at-home-based-business-opportunities.com" target="_new">http://www.1-work-at-home-based-business-opportunities.com</a>. You may also hear some of Richard's free music at: <a href="http://www.richardvegas.com" target="_new">http://www.richardvegas.com</a>.

<a href="mailto:webmaster@1-work-at-home-based-business-opportunities.com">webmaster@1-work-at-home-based-business-opportunities.com</a>

3 Secrets to Developing Superior People Skills

1. If What You Are Doing Is Not Working Change Your Approach

When I was in school I always had a small group of close friends but I never found it easy meeting new people. By the time I reluctantly entered the work force it was clear that my communication skills were limiting my progress.

The fact that I was as capable or even more capable than my peers meant little when I was unable to create a favorable impression.

I needed to become a lot more confident, dynamic and charming.

And I did. I changed my approach once I learned how to by studying advanced communication skills.

What would have happened if I did not change my approach? Year after year I would have become more and more frustrated and bitter.

I could easily have adopted the world view that nothing ever works out for me and before long I would have spent most of my time with other negative people.

Things do not change until you change. Doing nothing is not an option in case you actually think it is. The trend will continue and reach its natural conclusion until you change the trend.

Decide to change and look for answers. The clock is ticking. And the time to begin is now.

2. Learn From People Who Get Results

It is easy to get advice when you have a problem. Everyone has an opinion! However unless that person has proven expertise in that area be careful about following his advice.

On the other hand when you want to become better at something all you really need to do is to open your eyes. Who do you know who excels at that activity? Who has already solved that problem in their own life?

Recently I was walking around town with a friend who invests in property. Now a lot of people own their own home and even a second home. This man is different. He owns several million dollars worth of residential property and a hotel.

Maybe he would be a good person to talk to if you want to learn how to make money in property!

As we walked around I asked him lots and lots of questions. He is very patient with me! I was amazed how much I could learn in minutes just by asking the right questions of someone with the right answers.

3. Invest In Your Future

I have always been fascinated at how quickly my life can change once I learn and use new distinctions. Think about it. The only thing stopping you from succeeding in any area of life is a lack of knowledge. And if you commit to learning you can bridge that gap.

Let us say your goal is to be the CEO of the largest company in your town or city.

What is stopping you?

Knowledge and skills. And these can be learned. You can acquire the knowledge and mental skills, the people skills and the ability to handle pressure.

Obviously you will choose a goal that will make you happy and avoid occupations that you are not suited to. You will naturally favor goals that build on your interests and aptitudes.

How are you going to quickly acquire the skills you need to move ahead in your life? The fastest way is to invest money in courses and books that reveal the strategies you need.

Consider how much money you spend each year to service your car. The cost of oil changes, new tires and other repairs. Not to mention insurance.

Do you spend this much on servicing and upgrading your skills? And No this is not the responsibility of your employer. Your company only spends on you to achieve the corporate goals not your goals.

The first time I attended a huge three day personal development seminar it was with several thousand people. And I learned a lot in the car park! I noticed at 3 A.M. when the first day ended that the car park was full of very expensive luxury cars. Porsche, Rolls Royce, Jaguar, Bentley and Ferrari.

It was then that I understood what separates the most successful people from everyone else. A lifetime commitment to learning and a willingness to invest in their own development.

Do you want to step up and join those at the top of your field? It is easier than you think because most people prefer to do nothing and hope that things will somehow get better.

Take action and invest today in a bright new future.

About The Author

Peter Murphy is a peak performance expert. He recently produced a very popular free report: 10 Simple Steps to Developing Communication Confidence. Apply now because it is available for a limited time only at: <a href="http://www.howtotalkwithconfidence.com/report.htm" target="_new">http://www.howtotalkwithconfidence.com/report.htm</a>

Corporate Coaching - Why Coach? C(5)+ED

Is it possible to make a strong &quot;business case for corporate coaching?&quot; Why is coaching vital to organizations? Why should leaders invest time developing their coaching skills? These are tough, important questions that organizations should consider before implementing coaching.

The need for corporate coaching certainly depends on the situation. In some cases, it could be argued that time spent learning and doing coaching provides only small returns. If you have an operation with few people doing routine or rather insignificant tasks, it probably won't matter if managers can coach, develop, and lead people. But, in an entirely different environment, the quality of corporate coaching and feedback could matter a great deal.

- For Example, the New York Times reported on an investigational survey of medical interns and residents. The results of the survey stated that nearly half of the interns failed to report mistakes and discuss situations with supervising physicians.

How can people effectively learn and develop when key people are unwilling to approach leaders, and leaders are too busy &quot;putting out fires&quot; instead of teaching and coaching in response to performance issues. When seeking medical care, most of us would prefer a health care professional who has not only received technical schooling, but has also benefited from a trusted coach and mentor who has shared honest feedback and wisdom that only comes from experience.

How do you know if you are in the type of business or organization where corporate coaching is value added? Consider applying the following formula: C(5)+ED. Although it sounds scientific, the formula is actually an easy way to diagnosis whether or not you should invest time and money in perfecting coaching skills and applying them in the workplace. The following survey identifies the components of the C(5)+ED formula. C(5)+ED is the ultimate test in determining how much time, money, and energy to invest in corporate coaching and development.

&quot;C&quot; ? COMPETITIVENESS Does your business deal with strong competition? Yes No Do you have to fight for market share and profitability? Yes No

If you are lucky enough to have a virtual monopoly over the competition, then you probably won't feel the pressure to excel or require the very best thinking and craftsmanship for sales, production, or technical/professional people. But, if you answered &quot;yes&quot; to either question, you need leaders who are capable of influencing the behavior of others.

&quot;C&quot; ? COMMITMENT Does your organization/culture require innovation, independent action, and voluntary motivation? Yes No

If you are able to &quot;enforce&quot; compliance, and you really don't need people to think creatively, then you are off the hook. But, if you answered &quot;yes&quot; to this question, you need leaders who know how to communicate, inspire, and bring out the desire in team members to &quot;give it their all.&quot;

&quot;C&quot; ? CHANGE Is your business dynamic, complex, and fast-paced? Yes No

If you answered &quot;yes,&quot; you need people who can adapt to changes in technology, the marketplace, or new programs and products. You need leaders who can guide, encourage, and help people overcome resistance to change.

&quot;C&quot; ? CULTURE Does your business culture stress the importance of values, principles, teamwork, ethical behavior, etc.? Yes No If you answered &quot;yes,&quot; then you need leaders to promote, coach, and hold team members accountable for their behavior. You need leaders who set an example, and gain the respect of others. You need leaders who will speak up and stand up for the ideals that the organization promotes.

&quot;C&quot; ? COMPLIANCE Is your business accountable to legal, industry, safety, health, or other standards? Yes No Are there specific policies, protocols, and formulas that cannot be compromised? Yes No If you answered &quot;yes&quot; to either question, then you need coaches to monitor and ensure that performance is measuring up. You need leaders with the courage and skill to confront problems in a positive and constructive manner so that people want to achieve the standards.

&quot;E&quot; ? EXCELLENCE Does your organization value continuous improvement, ingenuity, and developing your processes to achieve better performance and higher quality for your customers? Yes No If you answered &quot;yes,&quot; then you need leaders who can coach and encourage team members to critically examine the traditional ways of doing things. Leaders also need to coach team members to be creative and try new methods.

&quot;D&quot; ? DEVELOPMENT Does your organization need to retain talented team members? Yes No Are your current team members ambitious, and do they want to learn and grow? Yes No

If you answered &quot;yes&quot; to either question, then you need leaders who can coach, mentor, and train team members to achieve current performance objectives, as well as prepare them for future strategic positions. You need leaders who understand the value and need for individual development plans and activities, so team members will want to stay, grow, and contribute to the organization.

EXAMPLES Consider the following examples that illustrate what happens when corporate coaching isn't practiced, and what the possibilities could be if leaders did successfully coach.

<UL><LI><B>Retention:</B> According to the Gallup organization, the number one reason an individual leaves a job is because they are dissatisfied with their working relationship with their manager.

-Buckingham & Coffman - First, Break All the Rules

<LI><B>Trust:</B> Five out of seven managers would rather lie than give honest feedback.

-Jan Halper, Ph.D. - Quiet Desperation

<LI><B>Loyalty:</B> During a competitive comparison shopping session at a national retail chain store, a customer went through the checkout line with a bicycle that cost over $200. To the customer's surprise, the cashier rang up the bicycle and told him it would be $50. The customer told the cashier that she must have made a mistake because this bicycle is over $200. The cashier politely smiles and said, &quot;I know it is. But I'm mad at my boss today. Therefore, the bicycle is only $50.&quot;

-Joe S. Walker

<LI><B>Safety:</B> Front line supervisors who coach employees on their safety measures have 28% fewer accidents in their work teams than those who do not coach.

-Study by CMOE, 1994

<LI><B>Bottom Line:</B> A recent study shows that Sales Managers in Europe achieve a 5% higher volume of sales when coaching is used.

-Fortune 500 pharmaceutical company

<LI><B>Morale:</B> According to a recent study, the number one desire of employees is to receive personal feedback. This ranks in at 46% in comparison to 32% who said they preferred financial rewards.

-USA Today, December 1998

<LI><B>Corporate Coaching Moments:</B> Managers spend 57-89% of their time in face-to-face communication.

-Journal of Applied Psychology

<LI><B>Credibility:</B> Some leaders at Andersen know that their auditors at Enron are stretching the rules. Where is the accountability and leadership?

-Business Week, April 2002</UL>

For more information on how to maximize the <a target="_new" href="http://www.cmoe.com/corporate-coaching.htm">corporate coaching</a> efforts inside your organization please visit <a target="_new" href="http://www.cmoe.com/cmoe.html">CMOE.</a> You can also contact one of our Regional Managers at (801)569-3444.

Good, Good, Good, Good Intentions

I always do a lot of thinking about good intentions in December.

It's not because I'm inspired by the holidays. I'm simply observing the anniversary of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights. Each year, around December 10th, I reread that incredible document just to remind myself that as humans, we can all agree on what it means to have basic rights and to be treated fairly. It's an inspiring piece of writing, and it fills my heart with hope--that is, until I remember that we don't seem to be making much progress on the goals we set for ourselves 55 years ago.

From the time we're very young, we learn that there is a difference between what we mean to do and what actually happens. After a scuffle, your mother asked, "Did you do it on purpose or by accident?" It was sometimes okay to kick your brother in the teeth as long as you didn't mean to do it--like, say, if you were reaching a toy for him on the top shelf and stepped back wildly on your way down. You were trying to help, you caused pain accidentally, you felt bad about it, so it was excused.

Now that we're adults, are our accidents excused? Do good intentions serve as a sort of "Get out of jail free" card? Not exactly.

Democritus, the Greek philosopher and physicist, said: "My enemy is not the man who wrongs me, but the man who means to wrong me." Tell that to the mother of a child killed by a drunk driver. Bad things happen, even when they are completely unintentional and repulsive to the perpetrators. Negligent homicide isn't intentional, but the results are the same as if the guilty party carefully planned and carried out his attack.

If we watch the news, we see all kinds of examples of good intentions that go terribly wrong. Whether we're talking about the results of a new Walmart or a new war, we can't always get what we want, but if we try real hard, we just might find--we screw things up royally. (apologies to the Rolling Stones)

The latest brain research tells us that it's possible to make things happen by simply having a clear intention. As long as we look in the mirror every day and repeat, "I will become a millionaire and benefactress, feeding the poor with my great wealth", then eventually we'll be writing those fat checks to the local food bank.

Unfortunately, those mirror musings don't always focus on the good intentions behind the goal. Given the option of manifesting our destiny, we tend to go with our top choice. The millionaire thing wins out--we can't open door number two (becoming a benefactress) without opening door number one first. Consequently, we end up with a whole lot of people repeating the millionaire mantra every day, and the real intention--giving generously--gets lost in the shuffle.

The same thing happens on a much larger scale all around the world. Rich countries want to help poor countries. They need to raise money in order to give it away. In order to raise that money, they need to show results from previous efforts. To get positive results, they have to come up with programs that sound feasible and promise outstanding outcomes. They must jump through the appropriate hoops. Any grant writer can tell you that there is an art to getting money, and it has very little to do with good intentions.

We need guidelines even when we have the best of intentions, but sometimes we get so caught up in following our plan that we fail to do the right thing. A recent news story told of a local organization that missed out on over $700,000 in funding it receives from a particular agency each year. Why? The grant application was submitted using margins that were four letters too wide. The agency expressed regret that they would be unable to support this worthy but unfortunate group this year, but stood by its strict rules as a means of filtering out those who are not able to follow instructions to the letter.

We use good intentions as a cloak on far too many occasions. There are times when it's necessary to recognize that where we're headed wasn't anywhere on our map when we started the journey. Just because we mean well doesn't mean it's okay to keep going in the wrong direction.

It's fine to figure out what you want, and it's okay to ask for it. There's certainly no reason why we shouldn't think of ways to improve ourselves and our world and set out to achieve our goals.

But it's not okay to pursue an activity once we realize that the original intention--the reason for beginning in the first place--has been lost in the flurry of activity required to pursue it. If you kick your brother in the teeth while stealing his toy, you're going to get in trouble, and Mom will show no mercy.

We know what we want for all humans on the planet. It's right there in writing, in that document which has been translated into over 300 languages. We're not even close to achieving all that we want, or all that we can. We created a beautiful promise in that proclamation, but we've become too distracted to make it our priority.

If Mom were taking care of this, she'd sit us down and make us read the Universal Declaration of Human Rights until we knew its salient features by heart. We'd emerge from our bedroom contrite and committed to being a better citizen. We'd do our best to please her and to make things right, not because we feared her wrath but because we knew she was lovingly teaching us what it means to be excellent.

O Mother, where art thou?

About The Author

Maya Talisman Frost is a mind masseuse. Her work has inspired thinkers in over 70 countries around the world. Her free weekly ezine, the Friday Mind Massage, serves up a satisfying blend of clarity, comfort and comic relief. To subscribe, visit <a href="http://www.massageyourmind.com" target="_new">http://www.massageyourmind.com</a>.

<a href="mailto:maya@massageyourmind.com">maya@massageyourmind.com</a>

New Developments Make Christian Life Coaching ?The? Career Choice for Work-At-Home Professionals

I have watched for a couple years now, as my wife's career has really taken off and I must admit, I am impressed. At the age of 55, having had so many life experiences, it just made me sit up and take notice that something huge is happening. In addition to this, I have seen her income quadruple over the past year.

My wife, Leelo-Dianne Bush is a Christian Life Coach. She is also founder and president of PCCCA (Professional Christian Counseling & Coaching Academy). Her work involves helping individuals reach their goals, improve their lives and relationships and overcome obstacles that held them back. She does her work 95% over the phone from her office in our home. Working by phone, she tells me is far more time-efficient and removes geographic barriers. And coaching is all about efficiency and action-driven results, right?

Life Coaching as a profession dates back a mere 30 or so years. While people have been mentoring and coaching others to success for thousands of years, in our fast paced, affluent world, people have stress and time-management problems. Some people just want more out of life. They are willing to invest in themselves to get their life and/or career on track.

Although life coaching started in the secular community, most coaches have a spiritual orientation they bring to coaching. Christians, because our faith involves living and promoting an abundant Christian walk, cannot in good conscience coach others to achieve selfish ends. And let's face it, about 80% of Americans consider themselves to be Christians. Enter Christian Coaching.

Christian Coaching is Christ-centered, biblically sound and applies these as well as practical strategies to achieve balance in our lives, give back to our community and live in the abundance that the bible teaches us to live in. Poverty simply isn't biblical. How much can we bless others when we have nothing? And we are called to be a blessing and reach the world for Christ. In doing so, we need to give others a reason to want what we have. When we have peace, joy, financial security and great relationships, it is a great testimony to the world.

When people know we are Christians, they watch us more closely. They want to see whether we walk our talk. They want to know that we have integrity. It all works together to enhance the Christian community and our image. In my opinion, being a Christian is a whole lot more than just saying we are Christian. It defines a faith and a lifestyle.

I have had a life-long passion for helping others. I am the kind of person who is always called on when something needs change or improvement. Seeing how my wife is able to help others, coach them to success, train new Christian Coaches and reap in countless blessings has opened my eyes to this new profession. So I made the decision to become a Certified Christian Life Coach myself. When I have my certification completed, my wife and I will form a joint practice where she will continue what she does and I will become a Christian Life Coach for men. My specialty will likely be helping men achieve balance in their lives so they don't go through mid-life crises and helping men transition to new careers or retirement.

If you have considered working from home or want to fulfill your calling by helping others either in a solo practice or within your church community, visit the website for Professional Christian Counseling & Coaching Academy at www.pccca.org.

If you want more information on whether this is the right career choice for you, PCCCA has a new ebook entitled &quot;How To Start A Christian Coaching Practice&quot; offered at their website at http://pccca.org/My_Homepage_Files/Page10.html. This ebook at $3.00, shows you the ins and outs of this profession and how to get started so you know what you are getting into before you invest a considerable amount in your training.

Evan Bush resides in Cape Coral, Florida with his wife and daughter. To contact Evan, email him at <a href="mailto:bushbenning@aol.com">bushbenning@aol.com</a>.

Q-Tip It!

Back in the 1920's when Polish-American entrepreneur Leo Gerstenzang invented cotton swabs as a safer way to clean his baby's ears, he called his product &quot;Q-Tip.&quot; Actually, his first name-choice was &quot;Baby Gay&quot; ? but that didn't sell, so the by-now familiar name emerged. Mr. Gerstenzang chose &quot;Q&quot; for Quality . . . and he must have been on to something, because Q-Tip has become a household word (and we've developed a whole 'nother set of connotations for 'Baby Gay.')

Which made Q-Tip a good choice for an acronym that's going 'round in motivational workshops these days: Quit Taking It Personally! I have a jar of those little white-tipped tools on my vanity, and every morning they remind me to use this quick-and-easy stress reduction technique: Q-Tip It!

? The traffic jam or the flat tire, or the keys that get locked in the car are not part of a plan to ruin your day. Q-Tip It ? Quit Taking It Personally!

? The keys that can never be found are just inanimate objects, and there is no moral value attributable to being able to find everything anyway. Q-Tip It!

? The computer that freezes just when you've got an important report to print really IS just a stupid machine. Take a deep breath and repeat the maxim about accepting the things you cannot change. Above all -- Q-Tip It!

? The supervisor who wants everything done yesterday has a problem with time management and scheduling. You're more likely to find a constructive way to deal with this of persistent stress situation if you Q-Tip It!

? The 5 pounds you can't seem to lose are just a ball of fat . . . not a moral failure. You know what to do ? eat less, move more. So get moving . . . and Q-Tip It!

? The kids who don't call often enough probably really ARE busy (and didn't you raise them to be independent?). Q-Tip It! ? The colleague who consistently says you're doing something all wrong is telling you more about her needs than about your way of doing things. Q-Tip It!

? Got a spouse (or friend, or child) who seems always to ignore things you say? Odds are she/he is hard of hearing, forgetful, or caught up in her own priorities rather than trying to drive you nuts. Q-Tip It!

? ______________________________________________ (fill in your own stressors ? and Q-Tip It!)

You get the picture . . . and the image, too. Stress is not what happens to us. It's our response TO what happens. And RESPONSE is something we can choose.

So ? Q-Tip It! Let Mr. Gerstenzang's little white-tipped tool be a memory-hook, a way to ease the your personal stress reactions, the way YOU choose to respond to the happenings of your days.

(c) Maureen Killoran, 2005

Maureen Killoran, MA, DMin, is a Life Coach with a passion for helping people connect their strengths with their vision. Maureen offers dynamic individual and group coaching, work team empowerment training, teleclasses, and a free monthly e-zine, "Seeds of Change." Her articles are published on over 50 websites, and have been translated into several languages. Watch for Maureen's upcoming e-workbook, SpiritQuesting (tm) -- a non-sectarian path to personal deepening and growth. Why not contact Maureen for a complimentary coaching consultation? <a target="_new" href="http://www.spiritquestcoaching.com">http://www.spiritquestcoaching.com</a>

Top Ten Tips for Living Authentically

1. Know your purpose

Are you wandering through life with little direction ? hoping that you'll find happiness, health and prosperity? Identify your life purpose or mission statement and you will have your own unique compass that will lead you to your truth north every time.

2. Know your values

What do you value most? Make a list of your top 5 values. Some examples are security, freedom, family, spiritual development, learning. As you set your goals for 2004 ? check your goals against your values. If the goal doesn't align with any of your top five values ? you may want to reconsider it or revise it.

3. Know your needs

Unmet needs can keep you from living authentically. Take care of yourself. Do you have a need to be acknowledged, to be right, to be in control, to be loved? List your top four needs and get them met!

4. Know your passions

Honor those things that make your heart sing. Whatever it is, do more of it!

5. Live from the inside out

Increase your awareness of your inner wisdom by regularly reflecting in silence. Commune with nature. Breathe deeply to quiet your distracted mind.

6. Honor your strengths

What are your positive traits? What special talents do you have? List three ? if you get stuck, ask those closest to you to help identify these. Are you imaginative, witty, good with your hands? Find ways to express your authentic self through your strengths.

7. Take time to play

Give yourself time to recharge doing things you love to do or by just doing nothing.

8. Be aware of your self-talk

Are you blocking your potential? Check out your first thoughts when you wake tomorrow. Are they supportive, encouraging or positive? Choose the kind of chatter that's goes on in your mind. Become aware of the negative messages you give yourself. Gently catch them and turn them into positive affirmations.

9. Surround yourself with inspiration

Keep a success journal. Write down you four or five greatest strengths and post them where you can see them. On the last Friday of each month, write down all your accomplishments both big and small.

10. Serve others

When you live authentically, you may find that you develop an interconnected sense of being. When you are true to who you are, living your purpose and giving of your talents to the world around you, you give back in service what you came to share with others -your spirit ? your essence.

About The Author

This piece was submitted by Ann Ronan, Ph.D., Certified Career Coach who can be reached at <a href="mailto:ann@authenticlifeinstitute.com">ann@authenticlifeinstitute.com</a>, or visited on the web at <a href="http://www.authenticlifeinstitute.com" target="_new">www.authenticlifeinstitute.com</a>.

Ann provides resources, assistance and support to people who want to successfully take control of their careers. She works with professionals in career transition and she mentors new coaches. Live YOUR life!

Taking The Coach Approach

When you use what you go through to grow through, you take the coach approach. I am suggesting that you hire your own counsel. After all, who else knows your dreams, goals, and intentions better than you do? Who else has access to your inner compass?

Yes, you have an inner compass. And it guides you along the river of life. When we pay attention to our emotional responses and our own 'self' talk, we are using our inner compass. It's called living life from the inside out. It's using our brain for a change. That's right, use your own mind to create positive changes within you.

Both being aware of how we feel and listening to our self-talk serve a purpose. The inner compass provides us with a powerful feedback mechanism, similar to a navigational system on an airplane. It lets us know whether or not we are on course, how far off course we are, and how much correction we need to make in order to reach our intended destination (and to achieve our goals). Learning to use these tools, we learn the art of coaching our self!

You may have heard the phrase, &quot;It's not that you got off track that matters, it's how fast (and gently) that you get back on track.&quot; So, when it comes to your goals and intentions, what is important is not whether you fall down, but what how you handle it when you do. Is your 'Inner Coach' doing its job well? Is it helping you get back up again? Or is it beating you up for falling down to begin with?

Is your inner voice helping you to feel inspired and encouraged? After listening to it, do you feel like a winner? Does it emphasize your strong points while gently and lovingly pointing out where you need to do some work? Are you learning anything from it? Train your 'Inner Coach' by telling it what you need in order to succeed! You are the foremost authority on yourself.

I've begun to dialogue with my 'Inner Coach' more often and am getting great results. We do things together too. We took a walk yesterday and we plan to go to the gym later this week. We're making fast friends and I am achieving intended outcomes in my life. You too, have an 'Inner Coach' ready and willing to guide you gently through life. Just imagine, your own personal coach!

If our self-talk was broadcast to the world through a loud speaker, we would 'get it'. We would be able to hear for ourselves some of the damage we do through our self-talk. Let's tame our inner critic and form a healthy relationship with our 'Inner Coach'.

Diana Kennedy helps people just like you transform from the inside out. Start transforming your life today - take a free TeleClass and subscribe to Diana's free Ezine Living from Spirit ~ A Breath of Inspiration at <a target="_new" href="http://www.DianaKennedy.com">http://www.DianaKennedy.com.</a>

Secrets of Creating Interpersonal Power

If you work with people, as a company owner, manager and team leader or on the customer interface, your impact on others is your most important asset! Someone creating 'Interpersonal Power', as I see it, has the ability to inspire, motivate and facilitate outstanding action in another.

In 1996 I won the Olympic Games in Atlanta, GA, in Whitewater Slalom. As an athlete then, I needed someone I could trust completely, someone I could communicate with almost without words. Providing the assuring 'outside view' on my performance and the unwavering shared vision of my success.

Later, as a coach and leader myself, I needed to know how to create this 'Interpersonal Power' with all the people that were essential to achieving our goals. In 2004 I took a squad of 5 athletes in 4 disciplines with 2 other coaches and a number of support staff to Athens and we won two Olympic Medals with 2 first-time Olympians!

Beside having and sharing a common mission with agreed targets and having good clarity of roles for everyone involved, I found it very effective to become aware of and act in accordance with any unconscious motivations and individual preferences.

What you see, hear or feel isn't always what you get. Scientists estimate that about 90% of our behavior is unconsciously motivated! There are always a number of levels to every challenge.

So how did we get to the core issues? Through inquiry and research.

Inquiry is the process of unraveling someone's internal experience. To maximize your performance you need to have the opportunity to make new sense of things, to reframe your experience and to bounce off ideas with an impartial and logical mind. That way you can use every experience for growth and achievement!

Research is the process of tracking and analyzing as many of the 'measurable quantities' as possible. It's about being on a quest for truth: what's really so- and why- and is there another way? I believe top achievers in any field are relentless and driven on this quest for excellence.

Working with individual preferences, recognizes that we are all in our own model of the world, making meaning of things due to our personal experiences and the resulting preferences. Recognizing and actively working with another's personal perception of what is happening is a major step in creating 'Interpersonal Power' with that person. That's what's called 'being in rapport' and it can be facilitated and learned.

You can read another's unconscious programs, which allows you to translate your message to them into the language they truly hear and respond to! It also sensitizes you to the detail of how we are different and how that is necessary and effective for the purpose of creating the most satisfying and successful team efforts.

So, in many ways, achieving is a journey and not a destination.

Learning how to achieve when it counts then, to get the medals on the day, or to close the most thought after deals time and again, requires the use of these and other fascinating secrets.

? Oliver Fix - All Rights reserved

Oliver Fix, Olympic Gold Medallist in 1996 and Olympic Medal Winning Coach in 2004, offers coach / consultant services that can propel you and your company into this coveted level of success. Find out more on his website: <a target="_new" href="http://www.achievingmind.com">http://www.achievingmind.com</a>

Four Common Rapport Building Mistakes and How to Fix Them

1. Pretending You Are Interested When You Are Not

Do yourself a favor and be honest with yourself and the people you spend time with. If you are really not interested in the topic of conversation say so.

If possible change the subject or simply postpone that particular conversation until another time.

Obviously if there is a danger of offending the other person you will have to be less direct. In these situations it helps to find out right away what the other person wants or expects from you. Ask!

The conversation will right away become very relevant to you and maintaining interest is a lot easier.

2. Disliking The Other Person

If you do not like the person you are talking to it will come across at some level. Ask yourself -- what could I like about this person? This will help put you in a better frame of mind.

And look for things you have in common by asking yourself - how is this person like me?

We all have something in common and commonality builds rapport. Look for it and you will find it.

If you mechanically attempt to get rapport with people while secretly disliking them you will never get that deep rapport you are aiming for. In fact if your focus is on how much you dislike the person you will not even want rapport and instead you will be setting yourself up for conflict.

3. Wanting Rapport With Everyone You Meet

I made this mistake when I first learned advanced communication skills.

All of a sudden, for the first time, I was able to get rapport with anyone I met. So I did.

And I recommend you do the same to a point. With one exception. There are some people you do not want to be getting deep rapport with.

Take someone who is like a raging bull with a deep resentment and hate for themselves and other people. Do you really want to feel the same way? If you get deep rapport you will feel some of the same feelings.

While you may need to be effective around such people keep your focus on your real goal. Deal effectively with the individual and maintain your own emotional state regardless of how upset the other person is.

Pay attention to your emotional state when dealing with negative people, manipulative people and others who will drain your energy. With these people rely more on the weakest element of rapport - words. And manage your body language without following their lead.

4. Not Speaking Their Language

We all have one primary sense whether it be visual, auditory or feelings based that dominates our perception of the world.

You need to get good at spotting which modality other people use and match their world to get rapport quickly and easily.

If someone is in a visual mode their words will be dominated by words that express what they see. For example the car is red with a white soft top and a huge back seat.

Whereas the auditory person describes the car in a different way: it sounds like a lion roaring when you start the engine and the CD player fills the car with deep, rich sounds that dance around your ears.

Finally the person most attuned to their feelings notices the smooth soft sensation of the leather seats and the warm firm feeling when they hold the steering wheel.

If you use the wrong modality for the person you are talking to it makes it harder for him to understand you. You have to work harder to get rapport.

And when you speak to several people at once make sure you use visual, auditory and feeling words to make sure you appeal to everyone.

Make a point of paying attention to the dominant modality your friends and family use. And you may have a breakthrough when you finally discover why you are not getting deep rapport with some of them while more easily getting along with other people.

About The Author

Peter Murphy is a peak performance expert. He recently produced a very popular free report: 10 Simple Steps to Developing Communication Confidence. Apply now because it is available for a limited time only at: <a href="http://www.howtotalkwithconfidence.com/report.htm" target="_new">http://www.howtotalkwithconfidence.com/report.htm</a>

Becoming An Empowered Consumer

How many times have you said to yourself?"I just wish that company would treat me like they appreciated my business!"?

For many years I trained Customer Service Reps at a large corporation. There is no doubt that it was during those years I personally became a consumer with rather high standards and expectations. It was also during that time that I realized my only point of power (as a consumer) was to take my business elsewhere if I didn't get the treatment I deserved. While it may not sound like much, take a minute and add it up!

How much do you spend at your grocery store in a year?

How much do you spend at your local gas station in a year?

How much do you spend at your Dr.'s office in a year (make sure to include what your insurance pays)?

Are you surprised?

Whether we consciously think about it or not, we are all consumers of companies and businesses who profit because we choose to do business with them. The key word here is "choose", and we'll talk about that later.

Some of the smallest businesses do a fabulous job teaching their employees how to treat their customers. Maybe it's the place you stop for coffee on the way to work in the morning. You go in, the coffee is hot and fresh, it's neat and tidy, the cashier has a big smile (even if it's really busy), and they even take the time to thank you for your business.

Then there are some of the larger companies (not all). They have mission, vision and values statements on the walls. In the employee lounge area there are posters that say something about their commitment to quality and service. Yet, when you reach the customer service or check out person, they appear lifeless?no enthusiasm, no eye contact, and virtually no acknowledgement?and god help you if you inconvenience them by asking for an explanation or a price check.

Decide right now to become an empowered consumer and give your business to those who treat you like they appreciate your business. Here's a strategy to get you there:

<li>Create a list of all the places you do business. Don't forget to include subscriptions, financial institutions, and even your handyman.

<li>Next, rate your satisfaction with each business on your list (5= Very Satisfied - 1= Not Satisfied).

<li>Review your ratings.

<li>If there are ratings of 1 or 2, take your business elsewhere?immediately.

<li>Businesses you rated 3 should be considered in the danger zone. If you choose to stay with them, at least give them some feedback on what they can do to improve. Review them again in 6 months.

<li>Repeat the process annually.

My point?you deserve to be treated with respect and appreciation, and you have a CHOICE! If you exercise that choice, you serve us all as consumers. Don't settle for less!

About The Author

Lora J Adrianse is the owner of Essential Connections. She is a Coach, Consultant and Facilitator who specializes in the development managers and business owners. She recently left a long-term corporate career to focus on her passion for helping others bring out the best in themselves through the use of Emotional Intelligence. She can be reached through her website <a href="http://www.connectionscoach.com" target="_new">www.connectionscoach.com</a>; <a href="mailto:Coach@connectionscoach.com">Coach@connectionscoach.com</a>

What You See is What You Get

H. Jackson Brown Jr. once wrote, Your mind can only hold one thought at a time, make it a positive and constructive one. As simple as these words may seem, they are in fact, very true. You see, if you are looking for a way to feel better at any given moment, all you have to do is change what you are focusing on. Your brain is a very powerful tool that you own and you should use to your advantage.

When was the last time you were reminiscing about a great time in your life and it made you feel terrible? When was the last time you were thinking about a painful event in your life and it made you feel good? I'd venture to say you answered 'never' to both of these questions. That's because what you focus on in life is what you get! Would you be willing to agree that Mother Teresa felt a great deal of love in her life because love was her main focus in life?

Understanding this, next time you find yourself in a less than desirable situation, be sure to find the positive side of it and focus your attention on that. Not only will you feel better about the situation but also you will actually be in a better frame of mind to work through it. With this mindset you will find yourself focusing on the solution rather than the problem.

The best way to control your focus is to ask yourself good questions. Such as, What can I find that is good in this situation? What have I learned from this that will make me more successful the next time? How can I make this situation better? By asking yourself effective questions, you will force your brain to look for and find a solution for what you can do to solve a problem and how you can make a situation better. On the other hand, if you ask yourself self-defeating questions such as, Why does this always happen to me? Why can't I have that? What did I do to deserve this? Your brain will look for those exact answers and tell you why bad things happen to you, why you can't have something and why you deserve something bad. Do you see what is happening here? You are confirming to yourself why you don't deserve something and why bad things happen to you. Now it's one thing when someone else tells you something like that, but when you tell it to yourself, you are sure to believe it! I guarantee you will always believe yourself on a subconscious level if not on a conscious level. In other words, be careful what you ask for!

Ask and you will receive. Seek and you will find; Knock, and it will be opened to you. Matthew 7:7

So practice focusing on positive thoughts and learn to ask yourself effective questions that will lead to constructive answers. If you look hard enough, there will always be a positive side to every situation. And for the challenges you must face in life, focus on the solution, not the problem. If you focus on the problem at hand, you will never find the solution. Focus on your dreams and they will become a reality. Ask yourself How can I reach my dream? Don't be surprised when your brain gives you the answer!

This article may be reprinted with the following attachment:

Copyright (c) 1999 Glen Hopkins

About The Author

Glen Hopkins, owns <a href="http://Motivational-Messages.com" target="_new">Motivational-Messages.com</a>, your Free resource for daily motivation and inspiration, including quotes, tips, and stories to help you lead a successful life. To subscribe fro Fr~ee visit <a href="http://www.motivational-messages.com/" target="_new">http://www.motivational-messages.com/</a> today!