4 Quick, Easy Ways to Say No to People Who Take You for Granted

No matter how wonderful you are sometimes other people will try to take advantage of your good nature. They will push you, get you to do more than your fair share and keep asking you to do even more.

And worst of all -- often your efforts will be taken for granted. Unless you can say No, the situation will not change in fact it may get even more difficult.

That is unless you can say No to these unreasonable people because very often to win respect from people you have to sometimes say No.

Here are 4 great ways to stand up for yourself and say No:

1. Soften the No

Instead of shouting No at the person and creating an uncomfortable encounter you can instead soften the No by postponing your help.

For example --

<ul>

<li>No, I am busy right now but I can help you in 40 minutes time

<li>No, I have other things to do at the moment

<li>Right now I do not have a free moment maybe later on

<li>I would love to help but not at this minute, try John

</ul>

What you are doing is softening the No by saying not now rather than an outright No. This is a lot easier to do especially when dealing with people who intimidate you.

2. Negotiate

To deal with people who want your help but are slow to help you -- negotiate! When they want something from you, you have the power - use it!

Say you are happy to help on one condition -- that they help you immediately when you seek their help. They will usually agree because they have to! If they say No, again as above, postpone helping them if you can.

There are some people who view the world in terms of what is in it for them and the concerns of others are of secondary importance. With these people you are wasting your time talking about your needs.

For that reason you have to link your needs to their gains by negotiating - tell them they will get what they want IF you get what you want.

3. Say No When You Do Not Care About the Outcome

When you are flexing this new found ability to say No for the first time use every opportunity to get some practice e.g.

<ul>

<li>In a restaurant, say no to the first table you are offered

<li>at home say No to coffee when everyone else says Yes, have tea

<li>In a store say yes to an offer of help but No to the product

</ul>

What I mean is to say No when you are dealing with people whose approval is not that important to you. You will quickly learn through experience that it is not the end of the world if you say no and the other person is not pleased with you.

4. Say No to the Big Request and Yes to a Smaller One

Sometimes you are going to be asked to do more than your fair share. If you cannot avoid the job you may need to consider doing part of it.

A good way to handle these requests is to offer to do part of the job but not all of it. For example:

<ul>

<li>I will clean 2 rooms if you do the other 3 rooms

<li>I can do 5 pages of the report as long as you give me the data

<li>If you start the project I will finish it

</ul>

By standing up for yourself on small points you will gradually assert yourself more often on the big issues. The main thing is to get started today on winning back control of your interactions with anyone who pushes you too far.

About The Author

Peter Murphy is a peak performance expert. He recently produced a very popular free report: 10 Simple Steps to Developing Communication Confidence. Apply now because it is available for a limited time only at: <a href="http://www.howtotalkwithconfidence.com/report.htm" target="_new">http://www.howtotalkwithconfidence.com/report.htm

If What You Are Doing Is Not Working Change Your Approach

And ironically the more we worry about it, the more tense we get and the more likely we are to say something stupid.

Let us a take a look at some remedies:

1 Learn to relax when you feel under pressure.

I often talk about the importance of managing your emotions

This is an essential skill.

There are a wide range of courses and books that you can refer to if you want to learn more about relaxation.

When you feel relaxed it is easier to think on your feet and to be flexible when you need to be.

2 Prepare Yourself

Before a social gathering get ready to have something to talk about.

With the internet on your PC there is no excuse for not becoming well informed about the world. The more knowledge you have the more conversations you can contribute to.

Make a point though of reading up on a variety of subjects otherwise your conversation topics will be limited to what interests you the most. And those topics may not interest your friends as much.

3 Become genuinely interested in other people

One of the big secrets to conversation power is to shut up! We are all a lot more interested in ourselves than in anyone else.

When there is a long silence encourage the other person to talk by asking questions and taking an active interest in the answers.

Take charge of the situation if you want the conversation to continue.

4 Stupid Statements Are Allowed!

If you say something stupid it is not the end of the world. If you try to hide your error then the situation can become chaotic very quickly.

It is far better to just admit that you made a mistake. Also, accept that even smart people say stupid things some times.

As long as you accept that you will make mistakes you have nothing to worry about. Expecting yourself to be perfect is unfair and just sets you up for failure.

All you need to do now is to decide how you will deal with these mistakes when they do happen.

5 Enjoy The Silence!

When there is a long silence in a conversation what normally passes through your mind? Do you judge it as bad? Do you feel under pressure to speak?

The other person has created the silence with you. Why not wait for him to speak first? Take the responsibility off your shoulders. It takes at least two people to have a conversation.

Finally, the reason silence can be uncomfortable is because you become self conscious. You become very aware of your own thoughts and feelings

There is one great way to deal with this. Put your attention on something outside of yourself by paying great attention to the other person and whatever is going on around you in the room.

Become fascinated by what you see and hear and you will forget about your own concerns.

Peter Murphy is a peak performance expert. He recently produced a very popular free report: 10 Simple Steps to Developing Communication Confidence. Apply now because it is available for a limited time only at: <a target="_new" href="http://www.howtotalkwithconfidence.com/report.htm">http://www.howtotalkwithconfidence.com/report.htm</a>

Theres Gold in that Silence

Can you recall a time where you utilized silence to make a point? If you can consciously recall, you probably know your silence made more than just a point; it made an exclamation point ... and without a single word preceding it. Now that's powerful.

Silence is a widely-known, but rarely used, powerful communication tool. Why is that? Because it can be used to shed light or convey darkness. Utilizing the sound of silence is truly the "master's" art of communication. It quaintly epitomizes a spiritually and socially acceptable passive assertiveness. The ability to remain quiet confirms that one is in total control. It also confirms that the individual is disciplined and will not be lead into conversations that are counterproductive and energy-draining. Silence can help us listen, keep a secret, serve in love and receive the very core of what is being said. Silence can say "I really do care."

Have you ever had a conversation where all you were waiting for was for the speaker to pause, just so you could say, what you needed to say? You know, where you start planning to respond to that which hadn't even been said yet? We all have. When this happens, we don't absorb the full content of the conversation. Many variables influence our desire to lose focus on what our speaker is saying. For example: your schedule, what you may be watching on TV, your mental, emotional, and physical states and of the like. Listen so that both your brain and heart are passionately aligned to receive the speaker's words. Strive to increase your understanding and place it before your desire to be understood.

Learn to be comfortable with silence and master the self-control it requires. Only then will you be able to experience the "golden" within.

Fran Briggs is the founder of The Fran Briggs Companies and is "a motivational speaker of the inspirational kind." She is the author of severalarticles, manuals and books including her latest, "Seeds for Success." This prominent voice of motivation speaks to audiences of children and adults of all ages and backgrounds with the aim of inspiring them to their respective levels of greatness. Sign up for your free successzine newsletter when you visit <a target="_new" href="http://www.franbriggs.com">http://www.franbriggs.com</a>

3 Keys to Making Small Talk Easy to Do

Small talk used to be really hard work for me. I never knew what to say and I always worried about saying the wrong thing.

Then something awful happened to me....

I had to take a job dealing with the public. My worst fears came true and I had to make small talk with a whole range of people each and every day.

I found it difficult, tedious and nerve wracking.

Eventually after a lot of trial and error I got the hang of it. And today I find it easy to do and even enjoyable.

You can do the same when you learn a few key distinctions:

1. Understand that the purpose of small talk is not to exchange information.

It is a game you play to find things you have in common with the other person.

Decide to be intensely curious about the other person and go fishing for what you have in common. When you are genuinely interested in other people they will respond positively to your questions and to the way you listen to what they have to say.

When you take the pressure off yourself to be a great conversationalist and become a detective searching for commonality the conversation tends to take care of itself.

Why?

Because people like people that are like them.

The more commonality you discover, the more the other person will like you and feel as if they have known you for some time.

This in turn causes the conversation to flow.

2. Give first to encourage sharing.

If all you do is ask questions the other person will feel as if they are being interrogated.

That is not the idea!

Be prepared to reveal something about yourself first without getting too personal.

By sharing first you are leading the way and cause the other person to feel obligated to return the favor.

Sharing and receiving in this way allows you to take charge of any conversation and to easily lead it where you want to go.

3. Aim to control the conversation.

If you can lead a conversation you can control it. You now know how to lead any conversation - give first and watch the other person respond.

Most people will follow your lead right away. If the person does not just move on to someone else.

Never shoot for 100% with people as its not a realistic goal. Life does not work like that.

And remember...

The key to success with these distinctions is to use them, play with them and then adjust them to suit you.

For the sake of 10-15 minutes a day, every day, you can progressively get better and better at making conversation.

Its not rocket science. Its just a matter of strategy - knowing it and using it.

About The Author

Peter Murphy is a peak performance expert. He recently produced a very popular free report: 10 Simple Steps to Developing Communication Confidence. Apply now because it is available for a limited time only at: <a href="http://www.howtotalkwithconfidence.com/report.htm" target="_new">http://www.howtotalkwithconfidence.com/report.htm</a>

Become More Self-Confident

Signs of Self-Confidence

Let's explore the meaning of self-confidence by taking a quiz. Read the list of statements below and check which ones, in your opinion, are signs of self-confidence.

1. Admitting when you are wrong.

2. Being flexible when change is needed.

3. Talking about your accomplishments.

4. Describing negative events in positive terms. For example, &quot;We didn't make our target, but we sure learned a lot.&quot;

5. Dressing to please yourself without worrying what others will think.

6. Using a strong handshake.

7. Using casual language in an effort to avoid sounding too &quot;corporate.&quot; For example, &quot;You guys did a cool thing.&quot;

8. Speaking very fast.

9. Smiling often.

10. Learning new skills.

11. Putting yourself down in order to sound humble.

Compare your answers to those on the bottom of page three under &quot;Quiz #1.&quot;

Low Self-Confidence

Part of defining self-confidence is thinking about what low self-confidence is, what it looks and sounds like. Test yourself now. Circle the statements that convey a lack of self-confidence.

1. &quot;I may be wrong, but I think the answer is ten.&quot;

2. &quot;Thank you for the compliment. We're very proud of our work.&quot;

3. &quot;That was really stupid of me.&quot;

4. &quot;I forgot my business cards. I left them in the car.&quot;

5. (Responding to a compliment) &quot;Oh, I've had this dress for ten years.&quot;

6. &quot;I would have gotten into the program, but they don't like to take people with my background.&quot;

7. &quot;That sounds like a challenge. I'm sure we can figure out how to solve it, though.&quot;

8. &quot;I'm sorry to interrupt, but I wonder if I could have a minute of your time.&quot;

Compare your answers to those listed at the bottom of page three under &quot;Quiz #2.&quot;

Where Does Self-Confidence Come From?

Self-confidence is not something people are born with. It results from a combination of factors:

1. Learned skill: Self-confidence is a combination of skills, not just a single quality. People are not born with it or without it. It can be learned.

2. Practice: Self-confidence comes from practice. It may appear to be spontaneous, but it isn't.

3. Internal locus of control: Self-confidence results from what psychologists call an internal locus (central point) of control. This means that people who are self-directing, who accept responsibility for their own results, have greater self-confidence.

8 Self-Confidence Builders

There are many concrete, specific things you can do to feel more confident in challenging life situations. Make note of those that will help you develop your own sense of self-confidence.

1. Follow your strengths. Self-confidence comes from being the best &quot;you&quot; possible. It doesn't come from trying to be someone else. It is the result of following paths like these:

? Do what comes naturally.

? Develop your talents.

? Follow your convictions.

? Express your own style.

2. Plan ahead. Many people are surprised to hear that self-confidence comes from something as ordinary as planning. But think about it; let's say you are going on a job interview, almost always an anxiety-producing experience. When you are prepared, you feel more confident.

3. Take action. Confidence comes from taking action. Break your challenge down into small steps and take that first step, no matter how small it seems.

4. Study. The more you know about your subject, the more confident you will feel. In fact, the lack of self-confidence almost always stems from a lack of information. We've all had that sick feeling that we don't fully understand what we are talking about.

5. Act the part. The following tips will help you begin to present yourself in a positive way.

? Find a role model. Look for someone who is already successful in your field. Observe him or her and identify for yourself what behaviors convey self-confidence.

? Look and act powerful. Watch people who create a powerful impression. It could be a TV anchor, a character in a movie, or a coworker. Imagine yourself behaving in a similar way. For an example, watch the movie Top Hat. Fred Astaire exudes confidence.

? Be aware of nonverbal behavior that detracts from presenting yourself with confidence. Ask for feedback from a trusted friend or watch yourself on videotape.

6. Rehearse for success. One of the most important ways to boost your self-confidence is by rehearsing important conversations and presentations. You can never be too prepared. These ideas will help you practice so that you really understand your subject:

? Manage your anxiety. Feeling anxious is normal when you are in a challenging situation. The key is learning to manage anxiety so it doesn't paralyze you or diminish your effectiveness.

? Get organized. When your materials are prepared and well-organized, you will feel better about your ability to access them. Having information scattered in too many places makes you feel out of control and undermines your self-confidence.

7. Persist. Self-confidence is the result of a lot of hard work. The process takes time. It has been said that success is 99% persistence and 1% talent.

8. Enjoy your success. When you reach your goal, don't forget to give yourself credit for working hard. Be proud of what you've accomplished. Here are some ways you can do this:

? Look in the mirror and say to yourself, &quot;Good work. I'm proud of you.&quot;

? Think of a way to reward yourself.

? Tell others about your success.

? Write yourself a letter or explore your accomplishment in your journal.

? Draw a picture expressing your achievement.

Answers to Quiz #1

Items 1, 2, 3, 4, 6, 9, and 10 are generally signs of self-confidence. The others could be seen as self-sabotaging behaviors.

Answers to Quiz #2

Items 1, 3, 4, 5, 6, and 8 communicate low self-confidence. (Of course, there are no 100% right answers, since many of the statements depend on context, tone of voice, cultural interpretation, and other factors.)

Garrett Coan is a professional therapist,coach and psychotherapist. His two Northern New Jersey office locations are accessible to individuals who reside in Bergen County, Essex County, Passaic County, Rockland County, and Manhattan. Garrett also offers online and telephone coaching and counseling services for those who live at a distance. He can be accessed through <a target="_new" href="http://www.creativecounselors.com">http://www.creativecounselors.com</a> or at 201-303-4303.

Mentors and Coaches: How to Find a Great Mentor

A career coach or mentor is a person who can guide you with the benefit of their experience. He or she may be someone more senior from within your organisation or someone external to your organisation who has been successful in the field or skills you want to develop. The right mentor can help you accelerate career, boost your self-development and improve your working relationships. And remember that a mentor is not only helpful in your career the benefits of having a mentor are relevant to all areas of your life ? whether fitness, financial or lifestyle.

Decide what area you want help with . Examine your life and determine whether you want help with your career, your health or your relationships. When you know the area or areas you want to focus on you can begin searching for a suitable mentor.

Who are the top performers? . Whichever area of your life you decide to seek a mentor for, find out who the experts are, who does it better than anyone else?

Where's the hang out? Next, find out where your role models hang out ? check out networking events and groups, industry events and conferences ? make note of anyone who stands out and has the 'presence' you are looking for.

Look into programs . Many organisations now have internal mentoring programs that you can become a part of. If you work for yourself you can investigate Government programs that offer mentoring programs.

Select your mentor . When you identify the person you believe would be a suitable mentor, spend some time watching them in action. Ask around to find out what other people's opinion of your chosen mentor are and find out all you can about their achievements, beliefs, values and way of operating. This will give you insight into them before you approach them about mentoring you.

Approach your mentor . Phone your prospective mentor and ask to make an appointment to see them. Tell him or her why you want to meet and schedule a time. It is important that your interactions a re professional and show respect for your prospective mentors' time. This demonstrate that you are committed to doing the right thing.

Have an agenda . When you do meet, have an outline of what you would like to discuss. Your agenda should include why you want them to mentor you, for how long and what you hope to gain during that time. If they do agree to mentor you, you can then work out how you can support them too ? this should be a two-way process.

Make an agreement . If you both decide to proceed, set up an agreement with guidelines about how your relationship will work and what you both expect from each other.

Neen is a Global Productivity Expert : by looking at how they spend their time and energy ? and where they focus their attention ? Neen helps people to rocket-charge their productivity and performance. A dynamic speaker, author and corporate trainer, Neen demonstrates how boosting your productivity can help you achieve amazing things. With her unique voice, sense of fun and uncommon common-sense, Neen delivers a powerful lesson in productivity. Find out more at <a target="_new" href="http://neenjames.com/">http://neenjames.com/</a>

Permission To Have FUN

? Have you been working long hours?
? Have you been managing 10 (or more) tasks at once?
? Are you combining several different personal and professional roles?

99% of my clients are experts at managing lifestyles similar to those above and this issue is dedicated to all of you.

Your reward for managing your lives so well is permission to have some FUN.

Did you know that children laugh an average 400 times each day but by 35 years old this has reduced to only 15 times per day. When you are having FUN your body is calm and stress-free, you experience an increase in oxygen, endorphins and blood flow to the brain. In this HAPPY state you are able to think more clearly and productively, you remain alert and are keen to experience more of the same. Having FUN induces a state of pure energy and reflects the real joy of living, and being in the moment. Stress melts away and our physical ailments bother us less What have you done that is fun today?

Having fun is contagious. If you are having fun, people want to join in - you become interesting and attractive. If you enjoy your job and have fun at work it is reflected in everything that you do. Your presentations become more dynamic and people are more likely to take notice of what you say. Often creativity improves and projects can seem easier to manage and complete.

Setting new goals and challenges can be a FUN activity. Blue-sky thinking can be exhilarating as there are no limitations to how incredible we would like our lives to be. Imagine if money, time, location was not a problem ? how different could you life be. Imagine if the word &quot;can't&quot; really did not exist ? what would you be doing differently?

One of my personal values is to incorporate FUN into my life wherever possible. However, before coaching, one of my limiting beliefs was that I need to have permission to have FUN, that it had to be earned or set aside for another day ? once I had completed my mundane tasks. After coaching, I realised that by injecting FUN into those same tasks then they took on a new personality ? they started to be enjoyable. The changes do not have to be earth shattering, it can be as simple as hovering to your favourite song; listening to an audio book while filing, or composing a poem while jogging.

When the activity incorporates FUN, it stops being routine and mundane; instead it becomes something to look forward to. Onerous tasks that require concentrated effort without interruption can come with a FUN reward on completion ? just make sure that the reward is tantalising enough to keep you going at even the darkest point in the project. This can work equally well for a tem as an individual and can be a great motivator ? especially if the team decides the reward themselves.

Suggestion for this week:
What can you do to make your life more fun?

Rachel Saint
A troubleshooter for your life
Telephone: 44 (0) 1843 841582
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